we don't have to think like that anymore

Life right now is -- um -- really hard. ( Read more... )

I'm doing okay. I've realised this year that I'm doing both a lot better and a lot worse than I thought I was. Better, in that I have a couple of coping skills now, as opposed to the zero I had before. I react to new health issues by doing fucktons of research and then coming up with ACTION PLANS for getting better. I make sure to keep going through the motions -- you know, going to class*, making plans, seeing friends, getting out, doing things I usually enjoy -- because I find it helps if you maintain momentum. Go through the motions, keep pretending, until things become meaningful and real again; I feel like I am misquoting from East of Eden here, but I can't remember where in the book it is. Worse, in that -- well, I've realised that depression involves more than absolute, 24/7 existential despair (which I how I've always -- hilariously -- experienced it before). I assumed that once I kicked that feeling I was clear; not so much. Depression actually leaves hundreds of little fractures in your personality that, together, will fuck you up unless you determinedly go about dealing with them, and then dealing with them again when they relapse, which they will. I have promised myself that I will work on this.

* I'm auditing one course this fall! We'll see how it goes health-wise. I'm excited, because it's about doing literary readings of things/objects (semiotics!), and because -- happy coincidence -- one of my best friends is also taking it.

Okay, that's enough about my life for now. Have a bunch of music.

FEIST: metals If I were Leslie Feist, I would be scared shitless right now. (The pressure! The public scrutiny!) I haven't listened to it yet, so I can't say much, but I hope I like it. I hope it ends up being this year's perfect autumn album, because I need one; any suggestions?

( more music uploads: deb oh, jamie woon, james blake, late night alumni, rose elinor dougall )